Parenting from the Heart

You’ve been looking forward to a special treat all morning. As an adult, your off-site break might include a latte and scone. However, if it turns out the coffee shop is closed, you might feel deflated but able to move on with your day. To contrast with a different stage of development, imagine you are a five-year-old in Room 7 who is anticipating being first in line, a heady accomplishment promoting powerful feelings of self-efficacy. When the time comes to line up, you make

Babies learning to walk don’t compare themselves to others or say, “I’m taking way more steps than anyone else my age.” Their first steps, tentatively letting go of solid surfaces, take great courage. But with a little practice, they waddle along like small boats on a rocky sea with single-minded focus: the determination to move forward. Soon their walking turns into running. Anyone who has ever seen the pure exhilaration of a toddler running away from a parent can’t help but

“Someone pushed me, and I didn’t push back, I found a teacher,” a four-and-a-half-year-old boy proudly announces to his father at the end of the day. His excitement indicates his sense that this was a huge step forward in his development. Stopping and getting help mid-dispute demonstrates what we call self-regulation, the ability to manage feelings and respond rather than react. In a few years, he and his classmate will have learned to resolve a heated argument themselves wi

“I let my kids choose one activity this fall. My kindergartener has a weekly swim class he loves, and my third grader is crazy about Jumping Jack Rabbits, her three-week track class. I tell them I don’t want our lives to feel hectic.” As the fall season with its shorter days sets in, we often reexamine priorities and schedules and how busy we want to be. In our area, it’s popular for children to be involved in an abundance of extracurricular activities, and parents sometimes

“Can you be patient and make space for your friends?” This is a question elementary art teacher Ms. Lara Cannon asks children to help teach them the new etiquette she has created for her first-through-fifth-grade students in her classroom. She shows them how simply standing back and making space allows each person room to remove their apron without crowding. Ms. Lara is convinced that children can learn new manners at any age but does not want her new art etiquette to be simp

Children enjoying the excitement of summer travel can sometimes yearn for their school friends. Twin sisters visiting China desperately wanted to celebrate their birthdays with Room 3 classmates. The teachers were happy to hold a party for the girls at Circle Time and sent them a rousing video. After staying a month in France, a boy missed his classmate so much, his mom sent a video of her son talking about all the things he wanted to do with his friend when he returned. The

How do you talk to yourself when you’re going through major life adjustments? A mom told me recently about changing jobs after twenty years at the same firm. The routines are unfamiliar, there are lots of steep learning curves, and she tells herself it’s natural to be tired in the evenings and want to go to bed early. She realizes there will be a period of transition, and that awareness helps her to not criticize herself when she’s not getting everything outside of work done.

If our school gardens could talk, they would tell us about one of their important roles: offering the gift of soft focus to everyone who walks over their craggy surfaces. Through the decades, they may have changed form and shape, but our gardens have always been sources of crucial nurturance and restoration. Countless children have soaked up the healing power of our gardens to support the growth of their inner worlds and the belief that they can be caretakers of the earth. Th

“You’ve grown up so much!” we tell children at this time of year. As the school year concludes, we wish we could find words to let them know how amazing their growth has been. No matter what their age, they are in many ways different people than they were when they entered the classroom last fall.  Teachers often try to articulate the qualities individual students have developed, but it can be hard to choose words that have meaning for the child. Room 8 teacher Chloe Gilmore

Is patience quantifiable? That was the light-hearted question that emerged during a lively discussion at the Meher School’s first Women’s Support Circle last Wednesday. Most of the women who attended didn’t know each other well and have diverse life circumstances. Some have small children, others teens or grown children, and a few were teachers with no children of their own. However, the consensus was that patience is a valuable commodity that deserves our attention. “I work

Wouldn't we all love to have a road map to prepare us for the next big transition in our lives? That’s what our TK students have tried to create for preschoolers who are about to make the big leap to TK and kindergarten. They worked as a group to make an enticing hand-drawn map of the kindergarten yard. Last Friday the entire Room 7 class visited the shared Rooms 1 and 2 yard and unfurled a giant scroll, featuring their artistic renderings of fun places to play on their yard.

A few weeks ago, when North Italia (a new Walnut Creek restaurant) opened next door to the Cheesecake Factory, all four administrators, Ivy, Vince, Warren, and I, slipped away for a pre-grand opening lunch. David Overton and his wife, Sheila, greeted us warmly. David is the CEO of the Cheesecake Factory Inc., which has purchased North Italia. I’ve been familiar with the high standards and caring attitudes David tries to imbue in his wait staff, and that day, it was like watch

“Proud Momma” was the title of a text I received this week from the parent of a fourth grader. To my surprise, it contained only a piece of artwork, a pencil drawing created by her daughter, a self-portrait of her with her friends. They were sitting, facing away from the artist, on a bench with their arms draped lovingly around each other’s backs. I immediately got why this mom was so proud. I had interviewed her for my book, The Best Things Mothers Do, and I understood that

Mornings aren’t always easy. In spite of our gentlest intentions, things sometimes go awry. Frustrations can sizzle like bacon frying on the stove. A question hovers over our morning routines: “How can we help children to start the day with good cheer?” In Room 7, the teachers (Mses. Indi, Izzy, and Natalie) have created instantaneous morning mood lifters for their kindergarten class. Instead of having their children repeat “here” when they take roll call, the teachers pose a

Are thinking and solving puzzles a form of play? Fifth grade teacher John Murphy is convinced they can be, and he loves to offer “brain start-ups” to his students, the equivalent of engaging them in a game of Frisbee or freeze-tag, only mentally. The “start-ups” aren’t part of their math lesson, they’re just fun, but they can infuse fractions and decimals with delight. Recently he asked, “Which is greater, the number of people on earth now or seconds since the Declaration of

“The sun was out and a rabbit was under the sun and an acorn was under the rabbit—a Christmas acorn.” So begins the exciting first page of preschooler Finley’s first book, A Hundred Acorns. As the book continues, the story’s protagonists, the acorns, face dangers: a ghost, a storm in a rain forest, and falling boulders. The plot finally resolves as the acorns escape and glimpse the magical presence of a sloth. Finley was extremely proud of his eight-page literary accomplishme

What did my child do? If your child’s personality seems to change at this time of year, try not to worry. In spring a child’s fancy turns to pushing limits and boundaries. The same process that incites spring flowers into what Rilke called “blooming most recklessly” propels children’s instincts for expansion. In the past people called these surges of energy “spring fever.” Wasn’t it nice when there was a name for it? Mark Twain once wrote about the condition. “It’s spring fev

Does your child feel lucky? St. Patrick’s Day, the Irish holiday coming up on March 17, is usually connected to the tradition of the “wearing of the green.” The holiday also involves long-held beliefs about what brings a person good luck. Legend has it that finding a four-leaf clover or witnessing a rainbow is a sign that our day, or even our life, will be charmed. The concept that there is such a thing as good luck involves believing in a realm where seemingly random occurre

Quiet as a cloud that tiptoes through the sky, Quiet as a cloud am I. Hushed as a fish, gliding through the sea, Hushed as a fish will I be. —From “The Quiet Song” by Hank Mindlin Images of silence from the Meher Schools’ “Quiet Song” prompt me to ask an unusual question: “How do children today learn about the nourishing resource of silence in a noisy world?” Research shows that experiences of silence promote neurogenesis—the growth of new brain cells—and can enhance learning

What’s the difference between reading a book on your own or as the member of a book club? Elementary children in second through fifth grade have had the opportunity to find out. Next week Meher School librarian Mari Ponghamsing will welcome families to the third session of her Parent-Child Book Club to discuss bestselling author Kelly Yang’s book Finally Seen. This book tells the compelling story of ten-year-old Lena, who moves to America to live with her parents and younger