Creating Empathic Connections

The setting: Fourth graders visiting first graders are doing a “getting to know you” art project together. Each fourth- and first-grade dyad has a huge piece of white paper divided in half. A fourth-grade boy asks the girl assigned to him, “What are your favorite ways to have fun?” As she answers, the boy draws pictures of the enjoyable activities she is describing on his half of the paper. On her half, she is creating a portrait of herself, a kind of introductory self-depiction.

At the end of the activity, the fourth grader excitedly announces to the class, “We like all the same things! She loves video games too.” He may have over-generalized the little girl’s dedication to video games in the glow of budding friendship, but he clearly felt they had established an affinity for one another.

Older children at the White Pony and Meher School are encouraged to play a nurturing role with their younger peers, and one of the ways that occurs in the upper grades is through a buddy system. Fifth graders are officially buddies with students in TK, fourth graders with first graders, and third graders with kindergartners.

This “getting to know you” project encourages the older child to feel empathy with the younger one. It also develops social skills: the ability of both children to find words for things they enjoy and share them, a life-long skill called small talk. The fourth grader is also role-modeling something psychologists call intersubjectivity—the ability of one person to show interest in and connect with someone they don’t know.

The brilliance of the fourth-grade teachers, Christie Vinson and Amy Weinstein, creating this project is having the children talk about ways they like to have fun. Who doesn’t like to have fun? Meetings like these promote a feeling of caring community throughout the school. Buddies can say “Hi” when they see each other in the halls. In addition, first graders who are the newbies every year on the big playground, after graduating from the kindergarten yard, have a buddy to help them feel more welcomed amidst all the big-yard activity.

Older children at our school are also encouraged to play a nurturing role with their younger peers starting in preschool. Parents applying to our school are often surprised that we don’t have separate classes for two-, three-, and four-year-olds. This is because we have found that the learning is richer when a classroom has mixed-age groupings.

When younger children start, the older children are role models who understand rules and routines, but also shine in their abilities communicate with each other and create fascinating play scenarios. As in the upper grades, older preschool children learn to empathize with their younger peers and offer help when needed. Being in a mixed-age classroom is more like a family or a neighborhood.

Social-emotional development is important at our school in all the age groups. On September 16 we are holding a one-hour panel discussion for parents and teachers about interpersonal relationships and skill building in children at school. We hope you can attend.