The Magic of Writing

In this age of succinct emails and text messages, the value of handwritten notes is not lost—especially between parents and children. Parents often place sweet messages in their children’s lunchboxes, providing a nurturing moment of their presence with the good food.

Writing letters can also help us communicate with children when spoken words might fall short or might not have the desired results. An apology letter to an older child after an upsetting situation can inspire reflection and open their hearts more effectively than a simple apology. A parent can also get better results from sending a funny note about a chore left undone than from reminding a child yet another time. But once children begin to read and write, note writing isn’t usually a one-way street.

Parents often report finding notes from their children slipped under the bedroom door or put on their pillow. The subject matter varies. They may contain apologies, ideas for gifts, fun activities, or requests for special foods. Sometimes children write to make a case for things they would like to do. One second grader regularly brings his parents notes about interesting topics he wants to look up online. However, parents say the most popular note they receive by from their children is simply saying “I love you.”

Notes about difficult subjects

Notes provide a way of expressing all kinds of feelings that are sensitive and difficult to discuss. One little girl recently wrote her feelings about her parents’ divorce and gave them to her mother on a yellow sticky. The note said, “It’s really hard to have two homes.” Her mother was so happy that her daughter felt safe expressing her feelings, and she told her that in her written response.

Notes from children also come in the form of pictures they’ve drawn. One mom treasures the cartoons her son slips under her door to make her laugh. Sometimes a child will draw a sad face to communicate without words.

The power of dictation

Preschool children love to dictate their strong feelings in a note. When a child is angry at her sibling, a parent can make her feel heard by writing down her feelings, then reading them to the brother or sister. The sibling may want to respond in kind by dictating their own note. The process of dictating helps children clarify their thoughts and have the feeling that they are heard.

Parents can help young children write a love note or an expression of apology to a teacher or another child. Writing is a good way of making amends. When a student has been disruptive or hurt someone at school, having them write a note helps them reflect more deeply about what went wrong and think about how to move forward in a more positive way.

Note writing is an important resource for every parent. When a child has strong feelings to express after school or before they go to bed, try saying, “How about writing a note?” It can be the first step in problem solving and a way to put worried feelings aside.