“I can’t express what a help it was to me spending time with my grandparents when I was a child. It meant so much to me,” a man told me recently. At school we’ve been excited about grandparents all week, as we just held our first celebration of Grandparents Day on September 9. The get-together included the story of our school’s founding by grandmother Ivy O. Duce in 1975, as well as lots of lively discussion among grandparents.
Research has shown that relationships with grandparents support children and families in many ways. One of the most interesting findings has been that children benefit by learning about their grandparents’ and parents’ lives, especially if family stories include the ups and downs of people’s journeys.
Professors Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush at Emory University explored how much children know about their grandparents’ and parents’ lives in a questionnaire called “Do You Know?” It included questions like “Do you know where your parents met?” “Do you know where your grandparents grew up?” “Do you know if there was ever an illness or something really hard that happened in your family?”
It seems counterintuitive to talk to children about difficult events in family history, but the research shows that knowledge of a family surviving hard times is a pivotal factor in children’s resilience. As children got older, this “intergenerational knowledge” bolstered children’s self-esteem. Hearing that their family had difficulties but went on in a cohesive way supported children’s confidence that they could handle challenges.
Every day I hear about disruptive events in the lives of families in our community. My heart goes out to people who have unexpected illnesses and hard experiences that cause them to think about what they value in the big picture. Knowing that family stories told at the dinner table or at family gatherings can include developmentally appropriate information about hardships actually helps children’s growth and can relieve everyone and help them feel closer as a family.
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