“If I’m around people right now, I might bite someone,” a four-year-old explained to her teacher. She wanted to stay in the quiet space she had created for herself in the play yard rather than go inside and have more “people time.”
It’s rare for a four-year-old to bite or use biting as a threat, but the teacher was grateful that the child could so dramatically articulate a feeling that most of us have at some point. We need time alone. We need to do what so many animals do: burrow into a quiet space.
When we are wise, like this a little girl, we take a short hiatus before we “bite someone.” After dealing with a stressful situation, it’s great when teachers can ask their teaching partner for a few minutes to recover, even when it’s not their break time.
After a whirlwind workday, parents might need to have quiet moments in the car before transitioning to picking up their children. Sometimes the downtime adults need is a mental vacation from social media or the scary projections on the news. When we realize that a form of stimulation is too much for us, finding our own version of burrowing can help us access a calmer part of our being.
International bestselling author Ann Patchett has just released a charming book with artist Robin Preiss Glasser called The Verts. It’s about two siblings with very different reactions to a pending birthday celebration. The title reveals its hidden message about the needs of introverts and extroverts.
The book is set on Ivan’s birthday, a day when his sister, Estie, invites friends, neighbors, and every kind of pet, including a parakeet, to make the day festive for her brother. Being an introvert, Ivan, finds a place to hide from the cacophony of human and animal activity, and his sister discovers him hidden under a blanket reading. The underlying message of the story is that some people, typed as introverts, are nourished by being in small groups or alone, while extroverts thrive on social stimulation. As Estie and Ivan’s parents repeat throughout the book, both ways of being are just fine.
The dual typology isn’t that simple, however, because even people whom we might categorize as extroverts can feel social anxiety in a new situation and be fatigued or over-stimulated by long periods of social interaction. We all have access to different parts of ourselves at different times of the day, and in different environments. The goal is for us to develop a barometer for what we need and what children need to make it through activities in happy, harmonious ways.
Reflecting on ways to find refuge during busy, noise-filled activities or during a long day of navigating with others is a good topic for discussion before the holidays and into the new year. Teaching children to tune into their bodies and tell us when they are starting to feel overwhelmed is an ongoing process, and they deserve positive recognition when they do, even if, like the girl in the story, they say they might bite.
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