Listening to Children

Magda Gerber, human development pioneer and author of Your Confident Baby, first witnessed an adult’s profound respect for a child when she took her six-year-old daughter to a pediatrician. At the visit, Gerber started to tell the doctor about her daughter’s sore throat, but Dr. Emmi Pikler, the Hungarian pediatrician, asked Gerber to be quiet so she could concentrate all her attention on what the little girl was feeling.

She asked the child when her throat started to hurt and how it felt now. Her body language communicated that she trusted the child to give her the information she needed. The doctor became Gerber’s mentor on all developmental issues, and their collaboration resulted in an international parenting philosophy and organization (Resources for Infant Educarer RIE). RIE focuses on how showing respect to children helps them develop confidence in themselves.

Talking to Katie One can observe this loving respect daily in our Office whenever an elementary child talks to our receptionist, Katie O’Callaghan, about a stomachache, headache, a scaped knee, or loose tooth. Katie listens to each child with full attention. Where do they hurt? When did it start? What do they need? (Ice packs are a popular remedy.)

Sometimes as an aside, children talk to Katie about an emotional issue with a friend or something they are worried about. When it’s an intense upset that persists, Katie might let them touch base with a parent over the phone before she helps them make their way back to class.

By listening, Katie shows children that she trusts them to communicate about their own needs and to problem-solve with her what will make them feel better. Some children make their way to the Office more often than others, but Katie never gives the slightest indication that they shouldn’t have come. She doesn’t practice “adultism,” a subset of agism that assumes grown-ups automatically know better about what a child needs more than the child does. Katie wants to listen to young Office visitors, and her questions help them to tune into their bodies in a clearer way. Katie is always encouraging, but also makes sure students don’t linger.

Tuning into preschoolers Preschoolers don’t go to the Office when they aren’t feeling well. Their teachers are the ones who listen to them about an injury or illness. Children may struggle to put their discomfort into words, and situations often involve keen observation. Is the child acting more tired? Unable to participate? Did they really hurt themselves?

Teachers listen in a caring way, showing that they appreciate the child describing how they feel. They want to develop children’s ability to pay attention to and express their health needs, to know when they don’t feel well and need to rest. Teachers try to assess if they need to see a doctor.

In preschool many guidelines for handling health issues come from Community Care Licensing. They want schools to be cautious and have parents come within an hour of getting a call to say that their child is sick. Sometimes parents report that the child didn’t seem sick when they got home or didn’t actually appear to have a fever. Of course, this can be confusing. However, licensing is clear that it’s up to the teacher and the school when a child needs to be at home.

Learning to pay attention to health Paying attention to one’s physical and emotional health is a life-long journey that begins when children are very young. The habit of paying attention to tiredness and physical symptoms becomes even more important as children transition into adolescence, when they have many activities outside the home and are at risk of not getting enough sleep. Learning to listen to their bodies and express their needs when they’re young provides the foundation for good health as they go out into the world.