Learning Practical Life Skills

My daughter’s college roommate had no idea how to operate a washing machine and commuted home her whole first year to have her mom do her laundry. She also picked up home-cooked meals because she wasn’t used to choosing her own food. Although she was highly accomplished academically, her lack of self-sufficiency affected her self-esteem. Her experience isn’t as unusual as it sounds.

The idea that practical life skills are a central part of the maturing process, and that there are sensitive periods for learning them, isn’t widely understood in our society. A preschooler loves learning to sweep, and an eight-year-old can feel delight in doing laundry because the activity makes them feel more grown-up. Coaching children through these activities can be time consuming, but catching them during the period of readiness creates the underlying feeling “I can make my way in the world.”

Our lives are overflowing with demands, and it can be difficult to find time for the process of breaking simple tasks like making a bed or doing their own laundry into steps. It’s also challenging to know what we can expect of a child at any given stage of development, since American society no longer places importance on children doing chores. Children around the world typically do much more to help around the house than children in our country and tend to reach a stage of full self-sufficiency by the time they are in their teens.

Luckily, there are many sources that can guide us in our expectations of what children can learn to do. See, for example, Spruce Age-Appropriate Chores for Kids Ages 2–18.

Giving children positive recognition when they are motivated to help and want to try to do things for themselves encourages them to see helping and caring for things as important. Families that work together doing chores, even when there is resistance, energize their children for full capability in the future.

Making Rules That Work

“No jumping on guitars!”

At age four, my daughter shouted this warning when a preschool visitor started leaping over our guitar. Her spontaneous rule might sound silly, but the foundation for changing difficult behavior is often establishing clear guidelines, sometimes even in the moment.

Discussions with children about agreed-on rules and the consequences for breaking them can transform many problematic situations in satisfying ways. Having clear rules also prevents power struggles. (“I know it’s hard, but it’s the rule.”)

Having a few standard rules is important at home, on the playground, or riding in the car (“No undoing seatbelts”). New rules are often needed when an issue crops up or becomes a habit. For example, “No kissing” isn’t a traditional kindergarten rule at our school, but it sometimes needs to be instituted and talked about – probably in the spring.

To set a new rule, call a discussion about the situation that needs to be remedied. You might say to very young children, “People have been biting each other instead of talking about their feelings when they’re upset.” Our new rule is “No biting,” and if someone bites (or physically hurts) someone, their toys will be taken away or they will lose a privilege.

Positive recognition for following rules is always the key to effectiveness. (“You said you were angry, and you didn’t bite!”) It’s okay to remind children of a rule when it’s being broken, but that’s not the time to discuss the reasons for the guideline. A reset and a consequence need to be implemented with only a few words and matter-of-fact energy.

Children can be allowed to suggest rules (“No taking any of my things without permission”), and doing so gives them practice in setting boundaries.

The best rules are mission-driven – they reflect the core values of the family, the classroom, or the school. The Meher Schools has always highlighted the simple rule of “No put-downs,” stemming from our values of compassion, kindness, and inclusion. Some of our preschool rooms have also instituted a thought-provoking rule, “No hurting someone’s heart,” and the children have enjoyed talking about all the actions that might make someone else feel bad. This could be a helpful practice for us all to explore.

The Mysteries of Starlite

Starlite is an amazing material that has been perplexing scientists for four decades. It can withstand temperatures of thousands of degrees while demonstrating incredible thermal-resistive capabilities. When heat is applied to it, the material chars, which creates an expanding low-density carbon foam that’s highly heat resistant. A raw egg coated with starlite and subjected to a blowtorch for five minutes is still raw afterward.

To demonstrate starlite’s properties, fifth-grade teacher Joseph Schneider made a batch of the putty-like substance Friday, formed it into an inch-thick disk, placed a handful of pennies on top, then melted them with a blowtorch (shown in the photo above). When he picked the disk up immediately afterward, with the melted pennies still dripping onto the blacktop, the other side wasn’t the slightest bit warm to the touch.

(Joseph and his students wore safety goggles, and Safety Officers Ivy Summers and Vince d’Assis were standing by with a fire extinguisher.)

No one knows the original formula for starlite, which the English inventor took to his grave. He said it contained 21 ingredients. The version Joseph made has the same properties but consisted only of cornstarch, baking soda, and Elmer’s glue.