I feel privileged when parents share stories with me about situations in their families that are hard to understand. They always contain so much wisdom, and I learn so much from hearing all the complex nuances that people handle. Telling stories is an important way to stop and look at the big picture. Our minds often spin out about problems, and telling the story to another person helps us to look at the situation with a little more detachment.
Psychologist Ethan Cross, the author of the bestselling book Chatter, says, “We can think of the mind as the lens and our inner button that zooms either in or out.” Challenging situations pull us toward zooming in on the details, whereas telling the story helps us see more facets of what’s going on. Cross suggests finding people who can listen to us and help us to frame things from alternate perspectives.
Storytelling within families has an important role in building family cohesion. At family events, people often tell tales that remind family members of their shared experiences and support for one another. “Remember the time we …?”
Children actually build their autobiographies in part by hearing stories about themselves, including their origin stories. This is true whether a mom tells a child about having been pregnant and giving birth or meeting the baby at adoption. Origin stories involve sharing details about what was happening when the child was born, then continuing the plot lines as the child grew into a baby, toddler, preschooler etc.
One of the important storytelling roles parents have is being the storehouse of all the child’s successes. When children are facing challenges, parents can remind them of the times they handled something else in their lives that was difficult. “I remember when you were trying to learn to ride a bike how you fell down and got back up.”
Adults support children the most by being attentive listeners to their feelings and the way they perceive situations. We want children to feel safe telling stories from their lives without being told that their way of thinking is faulty or being handed a solution. Reminding them that they have been able problems solvers in the past boosts their confidence in the current situation.
I collect stories about the ways parents handle difficult situations, and thinking about them together brings a shared understanding of the kinds of events that are prevalent in people’s lives. Storytelling brings communities together as well as families, and our 50th anniversary in February will include stories from current students, parents, and alumni about experiences they had at and our school and the ways the school values helped them to lead their lives out in the world.
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