Coping With Change

Our classrooms are buzzing with the energy of students anticipating end-of-the-year parties as well as the move to a new class or school. It’s tempting for adults to express excitement about the next step in their children’s development and say things like “You’re a kindergartner now.” However, if I congratulated my grandson, who is graduating from eighth grade, that he’s a high schooler now, it might cause anxiety. Children on the brink of change benefit from staying in the current moment. They don’t usually pull us aside and say, “I don’t have a picture of what my life will be like when I go to kindergarten” or “enter a new class” or “graduate to middle or high school.” Sometimes they will verbalize anxiety or excitement (since moving forward usually involves both feelings).

If preschool teachers ask graduating students if they are nervous about kindergarten, they all start raising their hands, saying things like “I don’t know how my mom will find me” and “I don’t know how I will find my friends.” When children express their concerns in the group, everyone gets the chance to reassure each other.

Previews of new situations

One of the helpful things we do at school is to give children experiencing big transitions brief previews of their new situations. Students get to stick their foot into the next stream of activity and get the sense that it will be fine and even fun.

For those moving on from preschool, kindergarten hosts a wonderful Saturday brunch where parents and children can meet the teachers and explore the classrooms. In addition, preschool teachers bring children to peek into the kindergarten classroom and play in the kindergarten yard. Teachers also bring preschool children who are moving to a new classroom to visit the classroom and meet the teachers. When preschoolers go to a classroom on a different tier, it feels like they are going to a new school, so they often need a parent’s presence on the first day.

Fifth graders, the other ones making a huge change, have in some sense been preparing for middle school all year. Sometimes former students visit the fifth grade and talk about their experience in their new school. Teachers also take upcoming graduates on tours of Walnut Creek Intermediate and Stanley Middle School.

Navigating uncertainty

Here are some ways you can help your child handle that limbo land of uncertainty about the next thing:

• Remember what changes felt like when you were a child. Use your own experience as a guide. What did you need from adults?

• Avoid “over-talking” change. Graduating preschoolers often become dysregulated from discussions about kindergarten. At this time of year, if an older preschooler is dysregulated, we automatically ask parents if there has been a lot of discussion about kindergarten.

• Be kind to yourself if you have concerns about how your child will do in the next situation. You need support and reassurance too. Talk to other parents in our community about the way their children have handled transitions.

• If children bring up fears, it’s helpful to be a reflective listener—“You’re worried you won’t be able to find your friends.” Rather than dismissing the concern as not real, share ways that you felt the same way about an impending change when you were a child.

• Talk about all the ways your child has grown in the last year without referencing the future.

• Spend special time together having fun.

• Keep routines the same. When children are under stress, they need lots of sleep and predictability.

• If the subject comes up, approach changes with positivity. “I know you’re a little nervous about graduating, but I think you’re going to make lots of new friends in your new class (or school). I see how quickly you made friends this year.”