Celebrating Mothers

We have to set aside a day every year to thank mothers because they so rarely stop to thank themselves.

Whether they become mothers by giving birth, fostering, or adopting, women step into a culturally defined job description so unwieldy that no one could ever live up to it.

By society’s outsized standards and women’s own self-expectations, mothers are susceptible to feeling they never do enough. If they work outside the home, life expects them to give 100 percent to their career and 100 percent to their child or children. A little slippage in either domain and mothers blame themselves.

And what about guilt? Mothers often start the day feeling guilty about being behind schedule and end the day worried that they’ve left things undone. Mothers are usually the keepers of everything that has to happen.

We tend to think this is the natural order of things, but some mothers are finding ways to appreciate themselves.

I’ve interviewed many women for a book I’m writing on the amazing ways mothers handle big challenges in their lives. (It will probably come out later this year.)

I’ve learned how hard it can be hard for mothers to maintain their sense of self-worth when things aren’t going right for their child. Aren’t mothers to blame if their child isn’t perfect or their child doesn’t have a perfect life?

Mothers need to push back on the notion that they are responsible for everything about their child.

One of the mothers I spoke with had to leave the job she loved to coordinate medical care for her child while her husband kept working. She started to feel isolated, and the loss of her work identity resulted in a dip in self-esteem. However, she restored her well-being by taking time every day to journal about all the positive things she was doing. She found a way to thank herself.

Mothers can appreciate themselves more by looking at the big picture of all they do, rather than getting lost in the minutiae of what they didn’t get done on a given day.

This isn’t a selfish exercise. When mothers love and care for themselves, everyone benefits.

So we celebrate Mothers Day and give cards, flowers, and breakfasts in bed, but we can also remind ourselves that women aren’t the only ones who give mothering. Dads give mothering. Grandparents give mothering. In the big picture, we can be thankful for mothering energy that exists everywhere all the time. It’s not related to gender, social identity, or even age. Children give it to one another when they offer comfort to an upset friend. When we appreciate mothering, it amplifies.