A Circle of Support

Is patience quantifiable? That was the light-hearted question that emerged during a lively discussion at the Meher School’s first Women’s Support Circle last Wednesday. Most of the women who attended didn’t know each other well and have diverse life circumstances. Some have small children, others teens or grown children, and a few were teachers with no children of their own. However, the consensus was that patience is a valuable commodity that deserves our attention.

“I work so hard to be patient with my children that sometimes it’s hard to have any patience left over for my husband and co-workers,” one mom laughingly noted. Reflecting on trying situations has enabled her to use a clever patience-ranking system to communicate with her family when she feels overwhelmed. “I’ve used 75 percent of my patience now,” she might say as a playful way to ask for help from her husband or children.

Psychologists agree that assigning mathematical quantities to emotions can allow us to communicate in a more precise way and ask for what we need. When we expect ourselves to have infinite patience, it’s easy to fall into a pit of self-criticism every time we lose it.

Mothers particularly often feel guilty because having infinite patience is part of the unrealistic job description of being the perfect mom. Mothers carry the invisible labor of managing everyone’s schedules and emotional ups and downs in the family, activities that can drain energy.

Rating one’s level of patience can help bring situations into clarity. Last Wednesday’s discussion shows that mothers can help each other have realistic expectations for themselves and problem-solve difficult situations.

Something magical can happen when women come together and acknowledge their need for connection and share ideas on providing for their own well-being.

People left the gathering with a feeling that a non-judging circle of women can be a source of nurturing. Circles of connection where people can contribute different perspectives and needed support to one another are important in our school community. One of the participants in the group, a teacher who doesn’t have children, commented on how awed she was by the sensitivity of the parents in her class. A mother commented on the kindness she has come to count on at the Meher Schools.

Yet everyone acknowledged the need for connection and compassion for ourselves. We will announce the next women’s circle in the Wednesday Messages this fall. They are open to everyone.